Be Strong

"The Lord said Joshua,

Be Strong and Have Courage,

and be not afraid.

for the Lord is with you,

each and every day."

It's a short song my grandmother wrote for me as a baby. I've come to realize it's a paraphrase of the verse Joshua 1:9. It was always comforting and meaningful to me. I bragged about it when I had the chance. She wrote similar short songs for each of my siblings and cousins when we were born. I'm the oldest of all the litters, so mine was the first. It was only in the last 3 years that I took the words to heart and moved beyond the simple awe that someone wrote a song for me. After a difficult trial of a divorce involving very young children I was for the first time alone. It was then I first turned to the message, "Be Strong and Have Courage."

As most of you know I spent some years turning to alcohol to endure difficulty and it was only in the last 5 months that I was able to have the courage to be at peace with who I am. To have the strength to leave the alcohol behind. Being sober is the single best decision I've ever made.

I've been fascinated by tattoos for as long as I can remember and knew I wanted one for at least the past 5 or so years. However, I've never felt good enough to deserve one. Like I'm not worthy. I should be in better shape physically, financially, and mentally. I set some ridiculous standards that I would have to achieve before I would allow myself get a tattoo, before I was worthy. Well 4 months of sobriety and 500 + miles of running later and I realized I am worthy and more importantly that I've always been good enough. Waiting until I achieve some impossible standard will mean waiting forever, literally.

With the encouragement of friends I set out to do something I've never had the courage to do. I got recommendations for artists I should check out and set to it. One guy's work stuck out in particular to me, something about the quality of the person creating the tattoo seemed to come through in the art and let me know this is where I needed to go. So I paid a visit to Colin Mcclain down at Skinquake in Bloomington. I knew from the get go that I'm no artist but for sure wanted an original piece. More than anything I wanted a banner that read "Be Strong" and had a certain affinity for classic eagle pieces. I conveyed those two things to Colin and he drew up something perfect for me.

I have to give a special thanks to my friend Sara for recommending the artist. She has a gorgeous half sleeve peacock that he did.

 Colin and I got along great for the 3 1/2 hours I sat with him, turns out we have similar stories and much in common. I enjoyed the entire process and getting to know Colin. Great dude to know and he does some awesome tattoos which you can check out HERE. If your an instagram person you can also view his work at the username colinpmclain.

One of my favorite moments of the experience came right after he put the stencil on my arm. There were a couple of other people in the shop getting tattoos at the time. One girl, Amy, who I had been chatting with while we were waiting had her jaw dropped as she exclaimed, "That's huge, I can't believe it's going to be your first tattoo." The other artists seemed genuinely interested coming by often to check it out as the piece progressed. It made me feel good. Colin told me it's rare for someone to get such a bad ass tattoo as their first.

 A progression of outline, to shaded outline without  color. The whole session took about 3 1/2 hours. We broke it down into 3 parts, outline, shading, color.


Did it hurt? Well sure it did, but pain is all relative to person and experience. I enjoyed what some might call the pain and tried to embrace the feeling for every second I could. It probably also helped that Colin made good conversation along the way, there were but a few moments of silence in our time together. The overwhelming desire for the outcome made any perceived pain minimal. I distinctly remember a few endorphin rushes as well, similar to the ones that sometimes flush 10 or so miles into a good run. I'm not going to lie, there was a huge amount of anxiety leading up to that first moment the tattoo pen pierced my arm. There is no adequate way to describe the feeling but I'll try. It's like a very mild burning feeling, but not one that would make you instinctively draw away. At the worst it's uncomfortable. Keep in mind that I also run 20+ miles at a time for fun, so I might not quite be normal.

Now that I've had the tattoo for a week, it already feels like it's a part of me (even though it literally is). Most importantly is I posses and absolute feeling like it was always meant to be. It provides a sense of security, not like in protection, but comfort in knowing that it's mine and no one can ever take it away. No matter where I go, no matter what happens, no matter what wrong or right is done this tattoo will forever be mine, and somehow that provides a measure of peace.









I would like to offer my gratitude to my best friend AJ (@ajylyman) for his advice, encouragement and listening to all my bullshit along while helping me sort my opinions and thoughts.  I also owe a very special thank you to @matchingtattoos whom I have never met, yet she was willing to call all her industry friends from over 900 miles away to find an artist for me to connect with. She provided invaluable support and encouragement. You're right, I do feel liberated!

Next  up is Have Courage and an antithesis image on my other arm. It won't be long to bring the balance.