I didn't want to write much about the program before I put more time in, but the gears of been spinning hard these past few weeks. So with warning I tell you I've been immersed in the AA culture for about 6 weeks. I can't necessarily give you a thorough unbiased review, but this blog is for sharing my progress as a man in recovery. I'm at a significant crossroad and it's time to write. My intention is to help all understand what an AA meeting is like. Sort out what Hollywood has gotten right and where they've steered you wrong.
I've mentioned this previously, but I was scared of walking into my first AA meeting. Afraid of rejection, the core of all my self esteem issues. What if I wasn't accepted as a real alcoholic? What if they just saw me as some poser 29 year old kid who hasn't bottomed out enough to be a real alcoholic? Then where would I be, outcast and rejected again. The whole idea of being a poser alcoholic is insane, but that's seriously what an addict's self-esteem is like. My experience was the polar opposite. I was welcomed and embraced with warmth and enthusiasm. Instantly I shared a bond with everyone in the room, alcohol. We've all been slave to it and are seeking emancipation from it.
Every meeting starts with a reading of "How AA Works". This is followed by reading "The 12 steps and traditions of AA", a report of new and old business, a welcoming and recognition of new comers to the group, sobriety birthdays and milestones, a secretary report from the last meeting, and a few various reports that aren't crucial to the newcomer or the meeting itself. When it came the appropriate time, I introduced myself for the first time in what seemed to be proper AA form, "Hi I'm Josh. I'm an alcoholic." Just like the movies. People clapped and welcomed me to the group, told me to "keep coming back." I was given a beginners token symbolizing 24 hours of sobriety and the "take it one day at a time" message AA promotes. I've come to learn you will hear those two things a lot, "One day at at time" and "keep coming back". When they got to milestones I was proud to announce I had just surpassed 30 days of sobriety. Again more fanfare and I was presented with a red token symbolizing the achievement. Typically the group will recognize those achieving 30 and 90 days, 6 months, one year and multiples of years at each meeting.
From there expect a short reading of some sort from the AA book (affectionately called "The Big Book") or some other endeared alcoholic literature. It may also be a speaker meeting in which someone tells their story. Discussion groups are typically "closed" meetings, meaning only alcoholics should be in attendance. Leave your loved ones at home unless they are also alcoholics. There are open meetings, anyone can attend, alcoholic or not. Addicted to drugs and alcohol? That's cool, most of us have some sort of drug use issues and addictions, you're still in the right place. But the focus of AA is the alcohol addiction. If you don't have alcohol issues, there are NA (Narcotics Anonymous) groups that can serve you. My personal opinion is an addict is an addict, doesn't matter what substance, we're all the same. After the reading, the group may split up into smaller discussion groups, or stay as one. It depends on how large of an assembly it is. Most meetings are scheduled to take place within one hour and are earnest to abide by it.
Discussion works like this. Someone, usually the chair person of the meeting, starts by giving their thoughts on the days topic and how it relates to their life and sobriety as it is or was. They can say whatever the hell they want, anything goes. Typically the person leading off discussion is one who has relevant and wise things to say, listen up. The right to talk is then passed to the right or left and the next person in the circle speaks. This goes on until everyone has had a chance, or the hour runs out. It is perfectly acceptable to pass and just listen for the night. In my next post I will get a lot deeper into the discussion aspect.
I sometimes find it hard to listen until I've had my say. I have to think long and hard about words that come out of my mouth. I'm not a good off the cuff speaker, which is why I much prefer to write. Most of the time I try to share something about my personal life, past or present, and how it relates to the nights topic and my quest to stay sober. It's also a good time to express concerns or troubles. There is no cross talk during the group, meaning you only talk about your personal experiences and how you have learned or grown. Never offer direct advice to others or butt in during someones turn to talk. If you are truly in the right place, you'll inevitably find yourself head nodding in agreement as people tell their stories like they were your own. No one's demise to alcohol is unique, our stories are transcending of time and person. Only the locations and details differ.
Typically the meeting ends after everyone has had a chance to speak and then closed with the Lord's prayer. I'm not sure why the Lord's prayer. AA is supposed to be unaffiliated with any particular religion by it's founding principles. Anyway, expect to hold hands (yeah for real in a big circle) and recite the Lord's prayer. Don't worry, I didn't know it either and yes it's extremely awkward. Wait, it's not quite over. After the prayer everyone keeps holding hands and chants, "Keep coming back, it works if you work it!" To emphasize the awkwardness they swing your entwined hands up and down to the cadence of the chant. Just relax and go with it. This may be a regional thing unique to suburban Bible Belt AA groups.
Meeting over and time to mingle, put chairs away, go home. Most people will make a line for the door so they can smoke. The majority of people in AA smoke. Not all, but far more than half. Expect it. I don't have a problem with it, but I find it a relevant observation to report. I used to smoke so it stands out to me.
I've been to various meetings in my area of Indy. Every location has been a Christian church of some sort. I've looked through the directory of Indianapolis meetings and there are more than 400. Seems about half take place in a church. Many are listed as meeting in some sort of club, but I suspect if you Google the address it brings up a church. Some take place at dedicated mental health centers and others are community meeting places. Here is a link to meeting directory.
I can tell you the groups aren't officially affiliated with the church, clubs, or meeting centers. This is achieved through the group paying a nominal rent to the facility each week or month. There are no dues to be a group member, but collection baskets are passed at the start of each meeting. The meetings are self funded by attendees. Most people throw in a dollar or some change. It's a heck of a lot cheaper than a bar tab.
Here is what Hollywood got right, the setting. Expect cheap folding chairs, drab basement walls, dim fluorescent lighting, crappy coffee, store bought donuts and cookies. You are welcome to what you like. I've chosen not to partake so as not to associate meetings with junk food. Here is what Hollywood got wrong. There is no professional counselor in these group sessions. This organization is entirely amateur run. Now I don't mean to suggest a lack of expertise, wisdom, and efficiency, but that their are no licensed mental health professionals keeping the group on track and no one is getting paid. In the movies you always see some ring leader of the group who appears to be a licensed counselor of some sort. Expect to see an everyday average Joe leading the group, or better yet a biker dude who looks like he is a ZZ Top roadie. Seriously, these types are some of the most awesome people in AA and will shock you with how well spoken they are. On that note, stayed tuned for my next post: The people of AA.
