Three Lakes Loop: I love the feel of soft needle covered trails, the scent of pine wafting with every step. (Photos courtesy of Terry Fletcher and my favorite trail running community Indiana Trail Running.)
I'm still here and going strong. No posts last week, it was a week of learning rather than sharing. Today I'm feeling inspired to write, and let everyone know I'm sober and improving. I'm doing my best to keep every post somehow tied into running and somehow tied into recovery. I've had an idea for a post shaping and melding in my brain for the past week. It finally hit that moment of transformation from loose concepts and themes to a printable post this morning on my drive in to work.
"I ain't as good as I'm gonna get, but I'm better than I used to be."
- Sammy Kershaw, Tim McGraw
Most recently I heard this lyric from Tim McGraw and it spoke to me and where I am in life (something told me I had heard it before, turns out Sammy sang it first, I've been listening to country since I was 7 years old living in Texas). The moment I heard the song I knew I wanted to write about it. I feel as though I've come a long way, but there is so much further to go. For me, sobriety isn't just about not drinking, but about becoming the best person I can be. I want more than anything to be the best man I can be. The first step is sobriety. Alcohol turned me into a lot of things I didn't want to be. I never lost all of myself, but I wasn't always the man I know I could be.
The same goes for running. I've come a long way. In fact I literally ran 26.2 miles this weekend. Six months ago that would have seemed impossible. Running a 2 mile loop twice was a long run for me back in August. I can feel in my soul there is so much more ground these legs can, want, and will cover. Saturday I ran 16.2 with a new friend I've made running. We had a great time crossing creeks, climbing up-hills, and bombing down-hills. We did our best not to fall around some really technical trail sections down in Morgan Monroe on Saturday morning.
Sunday I went back for another 10 miles. I really like solo running. It gives me a chance to get lost in my head. Sunday I used my time to focus on other people. I thought about all the trials, tribulations, and sadness that other people have to face on a daily basis rather than my own problems. To be honest, it made my problems seem trivial. All I could feel was an extreme gratefulness to be in such a beautiful place, with the health and courage to run 10 miles of difficult terrain. I'm blessed to have what I have and be who I am.
Three Lakes Loop: Byron Lake, a gorgeous February day for a run.
Three Lakes Loop: Into the forest we go.
So how do I get there, to that place where I am a better runner and a better man? I've taken a couple of steps. About a month ago I walked into my first AA meeting. Can't remember the last time I had been so nervous or afraid to do something. Even as an alcoholic I was afraid other alcoholics wouldn't accept me as one of their own. Like somehow I was a fake. Thankfully I couldn't have been more wrong. It's the best decision I have made in maintaining a sober lifestyle. The community was and is over pouring with encouragement and acceptance. I felt at home from the first meeting. Fellowship with like minded people is key to this sobriety thing. I don't feel so alone when I walk through the doors of a meeting and I've been getting to 3-4 a week.
On the running front I've made some great new friends and also have a regularly meeting run group. We don't have a name yet, but we're going to make shirts and it's going to be awesome. I've found an incredibly supportive online community of running friends through Daily Mile, blogging, and Twitter. I've got a directory of people I can call up or message and say hey "wanna go for a run this weekend" and be guaranteed to find someone shouting "Yes, name the place and time!"
It's with all honesty, sincerity, gratefulness, and hope that I can say thank you to you all, I ain't as good as I'm gonna get, but I'm better than I used to be. Hang in there with me.
All photos courtesy of Terry Fletcher at Indiana Trail Running, who happened to be out on the same trails this past weekend and thought to bring a camera.
